Crucify My Love

Because of what happened with another celebrity, my fan mail is being looked through before I get it. I am getting a lot more. I never knew I had such a big fan club. Somehow, they found out that my birthday is only 2 more days away. On the 7th. I have been getting a lot of birthday greetings as well as early Valentine's day cards as well. I will have to answer them all.

( screened from Akaya )

I have decided that I am going to try and go back to church again. I stopped because I felt really guilty for who I liked and how I felt. Things are changing. They are getting better and I miss it. I miss the feeling of sitting in a Cathedral. I even miss confession. When I was young, I went to confession every single day. I got good advice back then. I think singing with my cousin is what helped me decide.

I am so glad that the filming of that episode is over. I do hope that everyone enjoys it and that it was not too scary for the children. But I am glad I can stop having heart attacks now. I look forward to the next episode. I will only be in this one a little bit. I do not mind. It is a good thing to have a break after that. Plus the final episode of the year will be very busy for me. I have many lines to learn.

And on the first of the year, we will be doing a New Years special. I have never done this. I am really excited about it.

We started filming our first December show. It is going to be a busy month. Three shows. The first is supposed to be a treat for the watchers. A way to teach some of my personal culture to my Japanese fans. However, I already said that it might be too scary for the children. I was right.

Krampus is very scary already. I had many fears about him as a child. That he would take me away if I was bad. I always hid in the closet or under the bed on Krampusnacht because I was sure I was not good enough that year. I was never brave enough to come out and look out the window. My friends were and at school, they would tell me all about the monsters they saw out at night, dragging away the bad children and that I had been lucky he had missed me.

Seeing the makeup artist's work gives me all those memories all over again.



I know he is a man in a rubber suit, but my blood still chills and I want to hide until morning when I see him. I have to ACT WITH THIS THING!!

Akaya...can I stay with you? At least until this episode is finished filming?

The movie is out and the reviews are in. Just in time for me to get back to read them. I think maybe the reviewers were disappointed. I suppose I must get used to having unfavorable reviews. I understand though. He said it was hard to understand me when I spoke in English because of my accent and even harder when I spoke in Japanese. Am I really this bad still? I might need diction lessons to help me.

It is also nice to get home. I miss my apartment and Minoru missed it too. The beach and time with Akaya did him good though. He was running around so happily for days when we returned, looking for him. He pouted at me when I told him his friend was not here.

I also need to talk to my family. I now know why we never went to reunions and I want to tell them they were stupid and judgemental. We never went and I was told back then it was because "the other side of the family is different and they will judge our simple ways. You will understand when you are older". I am older and I know now and I do not think they would think badly of us at all. Keigo is a wonderful person and I am glad to know he is my cousin, even if it is a little removed.

It seems I will be taking a different airplane. Filming went longer than expected and that is okay. I have special tickets sent to me by Herr Atobe. Minoru is looking forward to this too. He had missed me much though Herr Atobe takes so much good care of him.

I am also looking forward to many things on this vacation. I have a good friend that is willing to help me do something special for a very important time. At least I hope he is still willing. It is vacation for him too, so more guitar lessons might be working and it is not fair to make him work. I will ask again when I see him at the reunion.

I had a lovely time at the US Open. I need to thank Yukimura-san again, for the tickets. It was a great experience. It made me really miss it though. Professional tennis. But I know I would never have stood a chance out there. Besides, I had the best company anyone could ever ask for. It was just the vacation I needed and the person I needed to take it with. I am glad Akaya could come and it was hard to see him off to the airport. But I still have to do work here.

I am going to California tomorrow to start filming the "Star Rangers" movie. Everything has already been set up for me. I just need to show up.

I know it will feel lonely though. It was short, but I got used to sleeping next to Akaya. He....he snuggles. I like that.

[ooc: strikes deleted]

Today, the new favorite character poll came out. Prince Taos is now tied in first with Red. We went out to celebrate with drinks. I think everyone got a little wild except me. They ended up reading some of the fanfiction out there of everyone. They thought it was very funny.

They have started to call me "Bunny". ....I do not like this! That is Akaya's old name for me! No one else can use it!

I think Oban festival will make me feel better. Akaya will help me to dress correctly. Thank you, Keigo, for the lovely kimono.

So, the show has been recorded and will be showing on TV this week. I hope everyone will watch. I had so much fun with this episode. There was tennis. I first played against one of the stuntmen. It was not that much of a challenge at all. But then, out of nowhere, Atobe showed up and he took the stuntman's place.

We played for a long time. It was fun. I lost track of time. And I do not know where the chanting was coming from, but now I know what it is like to play against Atobe Keigo. It's almost as much fun as playing against Akaya

Keigo! I hope I was a challenge to you. We have to play again sometime!

Yuuta. Neue Deutsche Härte . Can I learn this? Please. I love that kind of music very much.